Many parents worry that their child might get bullied. Therefore, they do all that they can to protect them.

However, for every child that gets bullied, there has to be a bully on the other end of the relationship.

Most parents can’t even imagine that their own child could be the bully. When they find out that’s the case, it can feel devastating and crushing to their parental self-worth.

In fact, if your child is the bully, you might go through a range of emotions.

More than anything, you may feel overwhelmed, not sure where to go from there.

What can you do to stop your child’s behavior as soon as possible?

Recognize That This May Be Normal Behavior

Of course, it is not acceptable for your child to bully other kids. However, it also doesn’t mean that your child is a monster. And, most of all, it doesn’t mean that you have done something wrong as a parent.

It is common for children to have disagreements with their peers. It is also common for children to deal with peer pressure and to face insecurities. All of these things can lead to bullying behavior.

Obviously, children do need to learn how to properly manage their emotions. However, instead of simply being outraged, it helps a lot if you are able to express how much you love them, even when you don’t love their actions.

Talk with Your Child

It is important to address bullying with your child. Forthright but kind communication is an important step to handling the situation.

Here are some things to keep in mind:

• Ask your child what happened. Listen carefully and validate her feelings.
• Identify why you think the bullying has occurred.
• Be clear about the behavior that you will not tolerate.
• Explain to your child why your family doesn’t bully.
• Offer alternatives for dealing with the situation.

Additionally, you should discuss the consequences for their behavior with your child. Make them relevant to the situation. For example, it might be appropriate to ask them to write a letter of apology to the bullied child.

Practice Emotional Skills with Your Child

Children bully others in large part because they can’t manage their own feelings. They don’t know how to express them. In some instances, they may have been bullied themselves. And acting out is the only way that they know to release their feelings.

It’s vital that you help your child to learn how to appropriately express feelings.

The first thing is to model good emotional communication yourself. Then, you can help your child learn to express emotions. You can use feelings charts, discuss emotions that you see in the media, and set aside time each day for conversations.

The more your child is able to speak with you about feelings, the less likely their bullying is to continue.

Work with the School and Other Parents

Bullying isn’t just between two children. It is also between parents. And, often, the school is involved as well.

As a result, you need to do your best to get everyone on the same page. This isn’t easy. Emotions will likely run high. Therefore, get yourself into a calm space, speak using “I” statements, and try to work calmly to find solutions to the problem.

On the one hand, you want to acknowledge your child’s behavior and make sure everyone knows that you don’t condone it. Help other adults understand what might have caused the behavior. Explain what you are doing to work on the problem. And let others know what they can do to help.

On the other hand, you want to make sure that your child isn’t punished excessively. Children do need to have consequences. However, those consequences have to be fair. Work with the school to find a just solution.

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If you find yourself on the other side of the fence when it comes to bullying, child counseling can help both you and your child to deal with their bullying issues. I would be happy to assist you in handling the challenge presented.

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