Child Anxiety Post.

Separation anxiety is a normal part of growing up.

Typically, it is a manageable situation that occurs in toddlerhood. But it can come back when children are older. If that is the case in your home, then you might be concerned.

Don’t worry, though.

Children can experience separation anxiety at any age. In fact, it can even happen in adolescence.

However, don’t dismiss it as “just a phase” either. If your child is in distress, then you should both get help.

In the meantime, here are six tips to help your child cope with separation anxiety.

1. Create Routines

Having a routine reduces anxiety. If a person knows what is going to happen, then it becomes easier to go through the motions.

Therefore, you can help your child by creating routines. Routines are especially important around transitions. For example, you may want to create a special “getting ready for school” routine.

Additionally, help your child come up with routines for times when they are not with you. For example, there should be a routine for what to do when arriving at school and before the bell rings for the first class.

This way, they are not just dealing with the “goodbye” part of the day. They also know what to do when they get to the place where they are separated from you.

2. Offer Structured Downtime

Although you do need routines, you don’t want to overschedule an anxious child. There is simply too much stress when you go from one activity to the next without pause. Instead, you want to offer plenty of downtime.

This downtime can still be structured in various ways. For example:

• Set aside the same time each day
• Assign a specific beginning and end time to this scheduled downtime
• Create routines, such as using the final five minutes to put items away
• Offer activities, such as making art, exercising, and putting together puzzles

3. Validate Feelings But Reframe Thoughts

Let your child know that you empathize with their feelings. Don’t be dismissive. But work with your child to reframe anxious thoughts.

First, identify what your child fears about the separation. Then reframe that experience in a positive way. For example, remind the child of how successful they were with the same transition the day before.

In contrast, remind them of the good things that will happen during their time away from you, such as seeing a best friend at school.

4. Discuss Challenging Situations

Separation anxiety may be triggered by stress. Therefore, it helps if you have open communication with your child.

Communicating well means to:

• Make time regularly for one-on-one conversations
• Listen empathetically to their concerns
• Let them know that it is common to feel more anxious during stressful times
• Point out possible causes, such as a recent loss or starting a new school
• Discuss ways to make things feel better together

5. Encourage Outside Interests

If a child is very interested in something, then they may be able to overcome separation anxiety in order to participate in it.

Therefore, find out what types of activities your child would really love to try. Make it a point to find a way for them to take a class, join a team, or volunteer somewhere.

If separation anxiety rears its ugly head, remind your child of how excited they were about this opportunity. Have them make a list of all of the reasons they wanted to try it. And make a plan to have one-on-one time afterward to talk about how it was.

6. Set a Positive Example

Do you have some ambivalence about the separation yourself? Are you worried about what happens when your child is not with you?

Remember, your child picks up on these fears. Hence, work on your own feelings so that you can be a positive role model for your child.

—

It can be stressful to help your child cope with separation anxiety. Your family may benefit from therapy to get you through this challenge. If you would like more information, please reach out to me or check out my “Childhood Anxiety Treatment” page.